We can stick anything into the fog and make it look like a ghost.
But tonight let us not become tragedies.
We are not funeral homes
with propane tanks in our windows
lookin’ like cemeteries.
Cemeteries are just the Earth’s way of not letting go.
Let go.
Tonight, poets, let’s turn our wrists so far backwards
the razor blades in our pencil tips
can’t get a good angle on all that beauty inside.
Step into this.
With your airplane parts.
Move forward.
And repeat after me with your heart:
I no longer need you to fuck me as hard as I hated myself.
Make love to me
like you know I am better than the worst thing I ever did.
Go slow.
I’m new to this,
but I have seen nearly every city from a rooftop
without jumping.
I have realized that the moon
did not have to be full for us to love it.
That we are not tragedies
stranded here beneath it.
That if our hearts
really broke
every time we fell from love
I’d be able to offer you confetti by now.
But hearts don’t break, y’all,
they bruise and get better.
We were never tragedies.
We were emergencies.
You call 9 – 1 – 1.
Tell them I’m havin’ a fantastic time.

I'll tell them/my religion's you

It's been awhile since I updated this ol' thing. I always come here, wanting to write, and end up departing without accomplishing much. Let's see what we can do.

After 7 years of college, I will officially be graduating in December 2012. I am suffering from an even more extreme case of senioritis and am desperately trying to stay motivated to finish out these last two semesters. Looking back, I do regret not being more involved in the "college life". Sure I've partied, etc., but I just barely attended my first (pre-season) Aggie basketball game a few months ago and my first Aggie hockey game shortly after that. I loved the school spirit at those events, and wondered if I have missed out on something. Perhaps before I graduate, I will need to attend a football game and become a True Aggie. And then take a well-deserved break from academics.

Work has improved, for now. The past 6(ish) months have literally been hell and I have had many hysterical crying sessions while driving home. Unless you have experienced it, there is no way someone can understand the stress, anxiety, pain, anger, frustration, and fear that comes with working in residential treatment. The excitement and joy of seeing small progresses and (eventual) graduations of clients are short and too far between. Since the removal of a particularly nightmare-ish client, work has become more tolerable. Unfortunately, I have become so jaded, I am counting the minutes until all hell breaks out once again.

I am really proud of myself for accomplishing a few small goals I made for myself. I officially paid off two credit cards and, with the arrival of my tax return, will be able to pay off my other two. Then I will be completely credit card debt-free! It's something that I keep saying is going to happen and I keep failing to do for too long now. I will, for the first time, only have the financial responsibilities of rent/utilities, car payment, and my phone bill (I'm ignoring my student loans for now lol). My paychecks have suddenly become a lot more fun to receive! Getting my finances more manageable is also opening up the possibility of maybe getting a different job. I have been looking a few postings down in SLC for possible social work jobs, and have even been debating the idea of going back to bartending. I still have a lot of options to weigh and decide what is best for me.

A huge goal for this year is to lose all the weight I have gained working at Uinta. I hate that high stress = crappy eating. And I have to accept the fact that I have managed to gain about 70 pounds in the last year and 5 months. I am still working out what works best for me and how I am going to do it, but I am excited to start taking care of myself again. I think I deserve it.

I love my family (2 weddings and 2 new babies on the way!) and friends, and am so ridiculously in love with K. Our relationship is the best that it has been in years and has become something I am very proud of. Don't tell K., but I have been spending guilty hours looking at wedding blogs and pictures and fantasizing about when we'll be able to get married someday :D

We are currently in the process of planning an epic week-long road trip to Vancouver/Seattle/Portland in March (we'll be on the road for my birthday!) and I am sooooooo ridiculously excited for it. I don't get to travel much because of work and school and I am anxious to have a mini-vacation and to see some amazing places I have only heard about. Details to come soon :)